im home!!! hahaha,,, i miss being out of the country, i wish i can at least live abroad fro 1 to 2 years,....haiz.........i really hate having to go back to work............... it pisses me off to go work... lol.... but lucky i aledi tendered..... i cant imagine staying there any longer...i also dun wanna go to the propety again.... pls dun send me there AGAIN.
hmmph... i miss the weather at Genting!

all of a sudden, the feeling of "missed" is so strong, i almost wanna take back the letter.
but i know myself too well. this is exactly wad i wish to avoid....

i hate you bee-yotch

u know, it really isnt that some ppl change over time, its just that they take so long( or shld i say their own sweet time ) to reveal their true colours... i really cant stand Ms. DA... she always wan to win, always wans to have the last say... fine... whatever... i fucking hell dun wanna bother abt u anymore... how dare u say those lines."u are full of hatred and jealousy for me." i admit i fucking hell hate u but what on earth is there of you for me to be jealous abt?
check your own credentials babe... which of it is worthwhile for any form of "jealously"?

omfg... thanks to ur lil tok the other nite (actually, it wasnt a tok, it was more like im an audience tgt with another girl, i felt like i was being berated)... i no longer wish to hold back... i din know why but in the beginning i was afraid of you finding out.. but now, who cares.... i believe the word detest no longer suffice.... phew..what a relief ;)

sometimes i really wonder.. will there ever be a treu one for u?...
in any case, ur a person who always eats their words.. u say got any thing shld go straight to u instead of other ppl... but but but :).. din u urself did the same?...lol...what a joke....
and there's this other line: we are all adults, ...dun be so childish. ....... i dun wan this to affect operations." omfg.... who are u to say this to me? *point check of credentials pls*
i dun really intend to say, (it came to me as a sudden inspiration).. ur life currently is proof of childishness.... and puh leaze... dun drag other ppl into conversations and den pretend to wan2 protect them...its sickens me... pffft~!.....

i dont care whoever is readin this.... u may feel like im despicable... but really if i were to care abt every single humane... how am i gg to settle mine? and the bottom line is... i really detest her... u know wad guys? i told her i no longer have any connection to her and if there's nothing else besides work, there's nothing much for us to say.... but (this i din say to her but its expected of basic courtesy) i will still behave respectfully around her... she told me not to be childish but u know wad she did?... her headset got stuck i help her to release it and she's like : hmm, thank (in a really awful tone).. ok fine... i tot to myself maybe i was jus thinking too much...and wen work ended in the morning... the minute she saw i was i walking towards to the door...she released it... not only that, she, on purpose, gather my other 2 colleagues to rush off without me. in other words leave me behind alone... jus to fill up some gaps... i forgot how long was it, for maybe abt 2 to 3 weeks i totally did not speak to her at all ( except wen its needed for work)... if u ask me, its jus that all of sudden i felt really tired of all her antics.. its jus best that i stop all form of communication with her...i admit, at that its really unfair to her.... my apologies...but otherwise still i converse where ever necessary respectfully ... i dun go ard gather ppl to leave "abandon" her alone.... its like wth ....and she got the guts to tell me to dun be 'childish"... best part? she even gave me a "soft" warning to stop all rumors in the office... can u believe it? Warning sia.... i really cant stand her.... FUCK...

but well, after my blaring-out-all in my post i believe i no longer wish to acknowlegde ur presence.... Good bye my 'DArling" all the best to u....lol..im over you.

"You see can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
I think that I deserve to smile
But it don't comfort to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Even though all that you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt yeah
Oh but why am I still cryin'?
Why am I the one whose still cryin'?
Oh you really hurt me baby
You really you really hurt me baby "

courtesy of Jazmine Sullivan

the ending of our story- he din show or feel a thing. I? i felt a thousand feelings, but only a minute few were good. i believe, we have truly reached the end of the fairy tale. its taken us, or perhaps all these while it was only 'me', more than 8 months to figure the whole thing out. i'll always rmb this episode, will he? i doubt. what else can i do? Nothing. i can only wish him all the best. As for me, starting anew has and will never be easy. i will promise to do my very best and life will start afresh from now on.

i'll bust your windows of your car....

that's exactly wad i feel like doing RIGHT now.
i dunno hw many times a year, i literally feel like doin that.
i jus wanna punch something, anthing.
cos im so afraid that i will take out on her directly.
" i had to do something to make you hurt.
oh but why am i still crying?"
i really wish to do something to make her remember,
but in the end, who gets hurt the most?
ME.

i really hate having to be this tired.
all becos of her.

im gonna make a date with YT and KY that for our 10th friendship anniversary we will meet up in some place that we haven been before in our lives to celebrate it:)

P.s i think we shld do this every decade until our time on earth ends :)

Life is such a Dream...

i love it whenever i go out with yt and ky...
it jus makes me seem so myself:)
one down point is that whenever i m with them
i spent so much money!!!!
lol!
but i think its money well spent:)
will be uploading photos soon abt all my spoils
from my birthday onwards soon.

~*~
on a different note, i think its time i go out and learn new stuff
im like stuck in the brain sia
i wanna learn my korean dancing soon
i seriously need a job that simply gives me A.R.T
that the medicine i will need for life!
lol:)

p.s. Some frens stay, some frens dont. im jus glad i have two good ones at work always with me:), whatever happens, im grateful for your support love:)

i am in need of more inspirations!!!

hmm.. for the design im really fed up and confused with my inspirations.
shld i do this or shld i add that?
hmmm, which season shld i specify?
or shld i go for all time classic??

i think, things for him and i are nv gonna come true
its jus silly of me to hope anymore
henceforth, i will pick up the pieces of my broken heart
and jus keep his memories in it
i doubt we'll ever any future tgt
i will jus lock these memories in my broken heart.

until now, i din recieve any thing (not even an Fb).
i shldnt be upset.
i really shldnt be.

A Simple Birthday Wish...

im finally 21.
i have many wishes for my life.
But, for now.
i only have one Simple Wish.

i truly hope it will come true soon.

okok, now i know that i was once in his heart.

now the next question is, am I still?

ok, im in his mind, the question is am i in his heart?

btw, wads up with the girl, man.
wads with the constant chatting with me all of a sudden?
and wads with the talk of wanting to help me with him
wen u are also in love with him.
and since wen were u close with him
he has the ability to make anyone who only knows him for 1 day
look as if they are really close.
Been there, Done that.

so babe, cool it.

for all that im worrying, perhaps i have nv even been in his heart at all.

but, im still worrying.

how on earth did he know the truth?

was he the one?

i never knew how silly i AM.
i nearly (no, actually) considered giving up for him..
thats really really silly and stupid
im aledi like beginning to hate myself now
i bet ppl ard me
really cant stand me aledi
almost every other day i will speak of him
even i get sick of myself
its really time to stop
esp i realise, my sixth sense tells me, that he's beginning a new one
omg and its someone i know has a really bad personality
so im like, is my taste really that bad?
im confused
and i felt idiotic
now means more to me den my family and close frens
wads even more dear to me,
is my Future
i have to begin somewhere
and it starting
NOW....
i have made my decision
time slot: 2 months.
jus you wait ppl:)
u'll see a new me soon.
(with or without U.)

things seem so testing between him and i
i feel tad (perhaps) he does know
and he is jus trying
my six sense has nv worked better.
i cant believe i cld actually predict it...
though its only one small thing
haiz,
he's a deep person
perhaps thats why he doesnt wanna bring it up yet
but once again
i feel
im running out of time
haiz...

when my birthday comes, will U still be there for me?

my decision is made.

i need to readjust my work future
the work schedule is ridiculous
and the entire affair is silly
and honestly,
why does the reservations need Hotel and Casino>?
and, why does Casino Resservations need to be 24/7?
i dun seee a real need for this
and its makes things so much more complicated for nothing
and PLus pouint
nobody knows wad is Casino Reservations
even the guest asks us wads the difference between C.R and H.R?
i dunno how to answer them in a way that is convincing
shit la
i dont think im gg to stay in the Dept longer then this month....
and this time
HTG is NO longer in the Equation.

feeling horrible now.....
dun think im gg to make it to work tmr

*ps...hmmm gona miss u:)

today wasnt that bad after all:)
at least i know,
that you were looking at me:)

i realised wen i say i wanna give up
im actually wanting to see if anyone will tell me not to give up
now, i actually comphrehend how edmund felt the other time
now i truly understand
lol
i sound ridiculous right?
but thats the truth
and im no longer afraid to say it
this is who i am
why do i wish to hide it?
and the fact remains that i still have hope in my heart
lol
kudos to myself today
i actually managed to avoid all contact (eye or physical)
with HTG
i was tryin so hard
but i think im gg to be normal tmr
lol as if
plus the fact that i know that he is sick
i almost gave in to temptation to msg him
i really wanted to eh
but in the end i miss the time
cos i know he's bound to slp aledi
haiz...silly silly me
what i need to do
is not to forget him
but
to face myself UPFront and Directly
thats why even though i told myself to give up
deep down i still ........

like i said, Silly Me

how can giving up feel so much more hurtful ???

S.T.O.P.

i put him on my handphone's wallpaper
and i told myself
the day i take it down
is the day i decide to forget the whole relation with him
its too tiring
like wad jie say
before it gets too deep
its best to Stop
and i have decided
it really is the Time to Stop
i know even as i type this
i wonder if i can really do it
i must be resolute
i must tell myself, there are no 'ifs'
and there are no 'buts'
i get so affected by it
that its draggin down my own behaviour
i dun wan this
shld we were meant to be den i shldnt have to suffer this way
i dun wish to be affect by u anymore
you put it across so purposely
that you wish to avoid me
i have no idea where to place myself
within the realms of my consciences and self esteem
i look so pathetic
i know, it will take some time
well, jus let it be...
in the meantime
i''l jus bury and lock up every lil feelin i have for u
and in the meantime,
I, will Lock up my Heart.
perhaps forever.......


Goodbye, HTG

i miss you already.
i cant believe myself
im suppose to try and let go
in the end, im still missin you
i love huda's quote:
"No one ever gets tired of loving but everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing promises, saying sorry & all the hurting."
that summarises everything that i m feeling right now for you

pain SEARED through my heart

SEVERED it into two parts

like nobody's business. today.

i finally got sick again....
not jus physically,
heartfully as well
but at least im with out regrets.
i gt 2 photos with HTG
so damn happy to get those two shots
thanks my noor jie jie:)
totally love her!
we are simply so similar
i dun think i'll eva find anyone as similar anymore
maybe cos she's also a snake as well as a leo
like me.:)
even the small lil actions we do are almost the same
lol, come to think of it:)
and its all thanks to her i gt my 2 shots:)
i actually wanted to post them
but i decided i wan them to be personal
lol, silly me
my frens tell me
now that we are no longer kids
we shldnt see relations as jus simple liking
u mus first ask urself
do u really like him?
do u see a future?
i did ask myself
and for the past few days
there were conflictions
but wen i fell sick today
it became apparent
i do.
i really do.
cos he was the first one who came to mind today
i became happy and yet sad at the same time
now that im sure of my feelings for him
wads next>?
when's next?
hows next?
i can feel something from U
if U are readin this, and actually im the one whos 'feelin' wrongly,
pls find a way to let me know,
if U are ever reading this......





*ps. im capable of any situation except, im such a silly and incapable person when it comes to matters of the heart,

the heart still pumps...
but my brain thinks so much...
its so stressful for me
i really really need a break.....
and help me, i 'll be alone..
i need to break through....
if i can survive..
i'll be on a higher level then anybody else.

RECOVERY...
(on the way, as long as i can dun see u)

haiz, why does things get so difficult for me and u?
is it that impossible for u to move jus one step forward?
ive been making like thousands of steps ...
u?
where is ur first step?
haiz....
i really do like u.
but are things meant to be???

can u give me an Answer?

i know its all over with you, but my heart still wishes its otherwise.....

cuttting my hand is too painful, but at the very least, it helps to relief some of my pain.

i just realised, that my family, isnt really a family.

i don't have a family

a silly affair

thoughts were slowed.
actions became automated.
what wld or can u do if u were me?
i m no longer sure.
of wad is, wad if
i think, wad my sis said is true
if u believe in previous and after lives
den wad i m gg to say nex will den make sense to u
i may be paying a debt i own her from my previous life
if its really true
den i sincerely hope to finish paying this lifetime
and den lets end it here.
this mother daughter relation is jus too testing for me
its like almost every 2-3 months it will happen once...
i get so tired of such things
esp at this period now
when im having more den my fair share of problems
why she as a mother can fail to notice such events
i jus realised
im a person with so much expectations
and this recent period in my life
i realised everything is failing my expectations
the whole issue with my mum
its such a silly affair.
i duno how long will it take for me to finally have enuf to have a place on my own
but that is my sincere wish for now.



*things have gotten so stressful with him...

SOMEBODY, HELP ME!!!

relationships.
this word is so simple and yet so confounded at times

went for Mic's 21st bdae yesterday
finally i meet up with her and huiz after like ages
also, i get to meet mic new boy:) nice chap

i spoke to huiz and Yt about my situation
verdict: shld nt have msged
and im feelin like a fool now
damn it
chatted with yt for abt 2 hrs till 3 in the morning
it dawned on me
that soe relationships it doesnt need constant tuning
take mine and yt's
we can be absent in each other's life for ages
but when we get contacted
its like we are seeing each other everday
its like we are the family.( tgt with ky)
i cant wait for ky to 'roll back' ..(LOL)
den we can finally reminise old times and jus rot tgt
:)
right now, the only i m thinkin and nervous abt is,
TOMMORROW
what do i do?
hw am i to react?
for goodness sake
i hate this form of me
YT!!! i need u la!

sighs....

im THE FOOL

things get more and more deciving...
or isit that guys are simply deciving?
wad i tot wasnt wad it is, is it?
wad u meant wasnt wad it meant, isit?
wad they heard wasnt wad its suppose to be, isit?
how i felt, jus wasnt meant to be?
and things hasnt really started at all
why are things this way?
why am i this way?
why am i always a fool wen it comes to love?
i wanna find someone whom i can truly share my tots with
someone who can advise me, support me, comfort me.
who can i look to?
wad those signs i tot u were giving me, not signs at all?
i feel like im so despereate some times
i feel like a 'hua chi'
like if theres a guy who looks at me more, who toks to me more,whos beside me more
is actualy someone who is interested in me
can u like someone at first interaction?
is it possible?
i hate it wen i cant be sure of things
i hate it.
all these years, whenever i felt, or so i tot i felt, something from or for a guy,
i'll try to supress it
i'll try to not notice it
cos i was so sure, things arent there
things wont work out or im jus dreaming again
in the end,
thats how it truly happens
and my heart will cry blood
its so painful
and yet in front of others
i still have to pretend
PRETEND.
as if its a normal day life
i still have to make ppl laugh
imagine happy
its so so so so hurts
HURT.
things truly happen.
the guys, they wot notice me anymore
and im the one with initatives
i tried getting to know u first
become friendly
and wen i tot things cld get better
phoof
its gone
jus like how it is now again..
thats how im feeling now
question: y?
y cant i be happy for once?
after so many years
shldnt U let me have a chance?
shldnt U?
PLs. this is the countless time ive asked or the word pls has been used
.....
omg...this is crazy.....

everything is in such a blur
the only thing thats for sure
feelings for mr b are gone.

super Paisei-ness

haiz...im so super tired today, whats worse is that i have to fall sick now
fuck
on top of that my msn decides to join the fun by sending weird msgs that contain viruses to a fren of mine
whats even worse is that we are nt close except that we were once diploma-mates.
i kinda get the idea that he does nt have a gd impression of me now cos it went on for like 2 weeks b4 he came to tell me abt it.
W.T.F.
so pppl! if u really recieve any of those rubbish pls pls pls INFORM me IMMD!
i prob jus lost a fren cos this shit
damn it
i gt news today that a PSC member quit.
i sorta can understand why she left but i also dun understand how she cld have left
hopefully wen operations start things will get better:)
...

lastly, i hate u MSN Hacker!@!!!!!!!

items shopped eversince work started

eversince i started work..i realise retail therapy actually works much better for me then food therapy.. yes its super unbelieveable:)

hahaha: but at least i manage to nt burn too big a hole in my pocket:)

u guys know that little creative store at the basement of Raffles City?

i got this plandule there@ only 2.50:) they have gt many version:)

i got the monthly one.. the best part is its tiny and really lite to bring abt:)

new polish removers!! super cheap deal : one @ 1.95 at SAsa

i can finally understand why so many babes out there recommend this

the brand is called Palgantong..(something along those lines) this is actually the Loose powder in 21. its great at holding in the liquid foundation and makes me look healthy white:)

i din buy these two:) they were given to me by mum:)

if u love Fruity Smells, this is it for ya. above: Dolce Gabbana Light Blue

below: DKNY Be delicious(green)

jus got these today @TPY Station:) the sandblock wasnt as gd as expected but well its only @ 2, so nvm..the nail art stickers are @ 3 for 5:) these on the other hand - FAB.

Tadah! my Work Wear For tmr:) @ 5 ONLY!!!

Actually i seriously dun care abt wad Dresscodes for work.

As long as u look beautifully presentable. Heck them.:)

I Wear What I Like. period.

got this pants as well @ 18 at TPY, but went home and tried the Size...its small by a size... i duno whether they will allow changes... i'll to take it back tmr...i can only hope...

hee hee! my buys from Cotton On!

2 @ 30

hahaha...thats to all those out there who says u cant get work clothes from them!

im gg wear them to WORK!

lolss..jus another one of my crazy posts!

Ciao!~

sometimes the world is such a contradicting place

i see others having heartache after relationship downs

i start to question myself:

why isnt it me?

i know its so ironic and weird and crazy and bad

but ive always wondered

why am i wishing for this?

i realised

its because ive nv had it.

Sissi has RECOVERED!!!!!

after so long...

i finall manage to catch up with my dear Pink, Jam, Yvon and Xueyan today.
its really been so long
like we said, 3 centuries...
and sis is like fluctating...
i worry so much for her.
anyway, gg back to the topic of our 'reunion':)
i realise i shld make it a point to meet them like monthly
like how i meet up with mina, ong they all
i lost so much contact with them..
and so much things has happen
i despise guys like him...
but them idiots nv have a way to know that they are idiots themselves
if nt why are they classified as idiots?
haiz, but im really glad for my girl.
its a gd thing that it happen now.
ur life's been saved from the rots:)
happy for ya!
anyway.pink was so surprise by the bdae celebration!
but i actually think the K box is so gg to kill us for extending inside for almost an hr!
lol:)
so happy that she LOVED my pressie(heex)
i dun have the pics
i have to wait for their fb uploads:)
so be patient ya?

and, lastly, i'll be working on new creations
im nt sure if they will sell
but they are a realy great to release stress
and express that 'undergrd' creativity in me.

lol cant believe myself..first time i have 3 posts in a day.

jus feel like sharing this:


"You are the practical type, torn between prosaic and idealistic issues

In affairs of the heart, your romantic tendencies are tempered somewhat by common sense, probably painfully earned. You may have idealized a past partner only to be crushed by the utter lack of romance that eventually occurred. You sometimes catch yourself daydreaming about a romantic rendezvous, but you force yourself to snap out of it before things get too crazy. If someone offered to make the moves on you, you certainly wouldn't resist, but you might wonder if you'd forever be held up to that same standard. You know that life isn't a fairy tale, but you sometimes wish it could be. Don't fret. You may have your head in the clouds, but your feet are firmly planted on the ground. You feel that romance isn’t something to be taken lightly, although you’d make the effort for a special someone, and you’d certainly appreciate it if someone did the same for you. It’s just that those kinds of people don’t come along too often. But they do come along every once in a while, and when they do, come up with your own way to romance them rather than relying on the nearest florist."

so true....(and it really got me thinking abt that certain someone..)

ppl say being young has its virtues
but being young has its troubles too
ive come to a pt
i Have TO CHOOSE
in the nest 5 years
those are crucial years
the question comes
Give up now?
and Try for a new one immediately?
OR
Carry on for a while
and in the meantime, secretly find something else?
wad exactly isit?
ppl always say
One can Choose only When U R young
cos wen u are older
u dun get a choice anymore
but let me tell u something
u cant choose wen u are young
u can only decide
Decide which route is the one u truly wish to live with for the rest of ur life
only den u'll have no regrets.

one of those days again

well well well
its one of those days again
days whereby the pain of wanting someone so bad
tears u down bit by bit
each bit is so tiny
it take ages for the pain to stop
in the night
it lingers
I have no tears to drop
it imitates suffocation scenarios so accurately
i feel i wanna jus give up
stay at home
dun go anywhere
.....

p.a.i.n.

be well soon sissy

everybody is falling sick these days...
im really really worried for my sis
the doc says she has Influenza A
test results out will out on fri
im actually really worried
but i cant show them
otherwise i wun be able to concentrate
im praying really really hard that nothing happens to her
i cant stand it
having to see her suffer like that
she has to sleep in a seperate area from
it hurts us so bad
i can tell
all of us, mom dad I
damn it..
perhaps i really shld have become a researcher
.....

things are so very very different
so different from how things are before
i know
if i can survive this round
i'll be able to take myslef a step further from the rest
haiz
things, human, matter, can be confusing at times
sighs
tots of giving up is here..
i do feel like i wanna transfer out of the dept...
shrugs,,,
who am i kidding..

Super Super Super Super Super Super Super
TIRED~

New Stuff out!

Arent these Chocolate magnets endearing?
it comes at a set of 3:)
check out the new updates at my webby!

so Cute right!, we all think so~ she looks so Jap

~*~

my dear dear girl~ she looks so adorable with it:)

http://jetaime-closet.livejournal.com

wang Q finally stepped foot back home here...
but she gonna fly back to aussie on fri...
i wonder wen will we get to see her f2f again
we have to fly to canada to do so..
sighs...
anyways:) cos she din turn up the first time
we got to meet up twice:)
first time we went to Ion's The Asian kitchen:)
Dinner was great:) xiao ling came to join us lata:)
~*~
2nd time and also the correct time, we went Holland V;s Sushi Tei to dine and head on to 2am for desserts
love 2am...the atmosphere was superb
haha...i bet carmen and sam will love it
we cld properly drink drunk..
lol
well, enjoy the fotos:)
the rest pls go to Emi, Ong, and Yvon's FB to see!~

My Handphone's New Look:)

Absolutely LOVING IT.

~*~

The 2nd interview

finally, went for the second interview!
i wonder if things really did went that well
she did give me quite a reasurring answer at the end
but
nothing's quite as soothing as given tickets to the pre on boarding orientation
haha.
had quite a bit of catch up with the girls today
mich, christ and linda
as i manage to 'catch' them after the interview:)

really hope things go well:)

todays gathering at Jam's is superb:)
jus that i looked more like the host's daughter den the guest
LOL
foods great:) loved the catching up with pink, yvon, jam and ameilia:)
took so much fotos la
jam and amei still say not enuf
lol
but i did realise one thing
im too coop up at home
so much so that i realise i dun have much to contribute to tok to them....
haiz.... i got to get out of the house soon
get into the work force....
den i'll get to enjoy a freedom so great i can only imagine
pls pls pls..
MBS pls dun get anymore mix ups
i beg u...

HAppy CNY!

this years CNY is a lil different from previus years
i used to really hate CNY
hate all the fuss and regulations
but this year, apart from the FORmal Greetings for Parents(kneeling inclusive) which i hate till now
i actually enjoyed it :)
for the first time after so many years
i had visiting to do
i have no relatives to visit
so day 1 is jus nice family time:)
went to catch a movie as well: Percy Jackson and the lightning thief( great visuals, weak story line)
day 2, i went with sis to my teacher's house to pai nian:)
it made her day:) she was so happy to hve us:)
hahaha:) love her too
day 3, for the first time is the past twenty years of my life,
i get to to do friends house visiting:)( believe M feels the same)
for me its the sudden feeling of growing up to another stage of my life:)
its like things are changing:)
i hope things can go well for me for the job at MBS
i really need it. pls pls pls let the past be The Past.
well den, im looking forward to visiting at Jam;s house this fri:)
love to gather with pink, jam and yvon after so long:)

looking forward~!

Foralies Collection

ta dah!!

my new collection is up !

pls visit: http://jetaime-closet.livejournal.com/2046.html#cutid1

to order:)♥♥♥

All the Flowers are handmade by me

and they can used on anywhere including shoes!

credits to: charles and keith

i'll be making flowers as a Shoe Accessory similar to the one above:)

it saves u lots and u can still get something that's so lovely♥

i hope u girls will like this:)

there's rings, earrings, hairbands to get!

love ya~

things getting back on track

we're toking now...
but somehow conversations are abit weird
the feelin is weird.
i duno how to discribe
but at the very least
things are better...
haiz...
life is getting difficult
i might be gg another way to reach my dream goals.

LIFE IS ALREADY SUCH A PAIN.

WHY DOES SHE HAS TO ADD TO OUR MISERY?

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

M.O.T.H.E.R

wad does the word "mother" means to u?
leave comments, im pretty much curious
becos i wanna know isit jus me who expects that lot or its universal

i seriously dun noe how this CNY is gg to be a good one
unless she wakes up
i think its really big mistake for her to switch to the current company
she brings home all the office polictics mentality
wen my sis jus say something
and its nt even to help me
and my dad tells her to calm down
she thinks the family is ganging up against her
omg
this is so Laughable
she aledi like 50
but she thinks with a mental of 5
"ganging up"?! thats such childish thinking
perhaps she jus prove the pt that
the elderly are actually jus kids
im so tired of all this
its like a monthly event nowadays
worse this time
i cant stand the way she's tokin to my sis
if u wanna show concern
show it properly
dun use that kind of attitude
its fuckin hell eating at me
i really have no intention of apologisin at all
im not even in the wrong
i simply wanted to have supper with my frens
and for goodness sake
wad is Wrong with staying out till 2
i aledi dun go out to drink till 5 or wad
i barely much social night life
and blame it on my personality ok?
i like freedom and ability to handle it myself
i cant wait till im 25
i will no matter wad move out
seriously ppl tell me
wad is wrong with wanting to hang out late at night with frens
pls leave me comments
i feel like im abt to burst
wen ed cam to pick up stuff from me yesterday
i wanted to jus go off with him to meet my peeps
and nv turn back
its killin me
she says she doesnt like this habit
says dun understand and wun alllow it
fuck.
wad is there to dun allow
wad am i to her
a toy or pet
i need to get workin
im gg to throw everything i have in on the interview i have with MBS on the 9th
i die also mus get it
and i wanna work shifts
esp night / late night ones
den i wldnt have to see her
pls dun let me be in the same room with her
i jus might kill her
im for real
or i'll jus go commit suicide( since its really such an appealin idea now

jus a afterthought, she keeps blaming all this on me having gone to poly instead of jc
and having gone to ICG
i think perhaps she jus looks down on me?....
haha... its such a saddening tot...
ur own mother looks down on u....
ha.

perhaps things have jus started to look slightly better
i still got to change my sleepin habits (otherwise i wldnt be typing this entry at 245am)
MBS has finally given me The Cal
the ironic part is
i have been callin them 4 5 times today
wen i finally gave up
they called
i was like Woo hoo to my sis
hahaha...
and the best part
ky and I might jus be business parners:)
we 've got to have things figured out:)
cant wait to work with her:)
pplp u shld be looking forward to jetaime_closet.livejournal.com soon:)
by the end of this week
i'll have the NY collection up!
but it wldnt includ ky's products yet
Pls do look forward to them!

~Ciao*

ITS DRIVING ME NUTS.
IM SUPER JUMPY THESE DAYS
ANY RING FROM MY PHONE
I WILL LITERALLY LIGHT UP
ONLY TO HAVE MY HOPES DEFLATE
IMMEDIATELY
I HATE THIS FEELING...!!!!!

some ppl jus dun grow up

i really really shldnt have wen to look ard FB
den i wldnt have come across this nonsense
i simply cant ignore the statement: ppl still make decisions that they will regret juz so that can prove me wrong.
oh for goodness sake.
i din wan to bring this up to hurt my frens again
(perhaps some are still his frens, i apologise to ya first.)
but i simply wish to berate this idiot
jus get some anger off my chest.
sometimes, i jus wish we had nv known him
how cld someone change so much
or isit simply that we have nv known him?
how isit that a guy like him can be so childish....
tsk x 10
sometimes i wish that ....
haiz... dun wish to say it.
it brings bad karma to suggest wad i had been thinkin
cos it might jus happen to him...
well, lets jus see.
sometimes, Things, jus might come true....

there are times i fear for my mind
wen it tinks too much
wad will happen of it
i can see so much things to happen
yet i cant find my way there
and im worried sick for my part here
wad do i do?
i cant tell. Yet
but my mind jus cant stop tinking.

WHY DOESNT MBS CAL ME?
IM WORRIED TO THE CORE.

my sis really did my family so proud.
she scored a total of 7 points for her O's
i was uber proud of her
now those idiot relatives of ours can keep their bloody mouths shut
words simply cant express my gratiude towards my sis
(plus pt: her fren is one of the 2 top students in her sku):>:>
but now there's another prob
the choosing of her nex education
she has 3 choices
HCI, NJ, RJ
i guess i shld let u guys know first that i actually do not have a good impression of RJ at all
it is no doubt that they are indeed where the cream of the crop are
facilities are one of the best too
it is the ppl who come out of there after the 2 years
i do not believe that all of them are like that
but in my opinon, i feel the majority are
i find that they become ppl who have so much IQ but minimal EQ
sighs
seriously
its an honour for my sis to be able to have grades which qualify her for RJ
its an indication of her abilities
but
i really find it so difficult for me to except that she is giving slight consideration to RJ
now that she has attended their open house
i know that ultimately
i shldnt and cannot obstruct her decisions
since she is given the ability and freedom to choose
but words simply cant express how much dislike i have for RJ
this is jus my opinon, if anyone who reads these thinks otherwise then jus pls go away
i cant stand the way the students carry themselves and the way they interact with others after they graduted
so wad if u are smart? so wad if u are so damn bloody intelligent and knowlegdeable?
it jus doesnt give u the right to look down upon others
the feelin is jus despicable
can u imagine how i wld feel if my sis comes home one day in RJ uni?
how am i to bring myself to face her?
how am i gg to communicate with her?
i really do not wish to tell her all these.
cause i know it will really affect her decisions and our sisterhood
why on earth does RJ have to exist in the first place.

S>I>G>H>S

i jus gotta pray real hard she gets into HCI
i mean how hard can it get wen she has a raw score 7(haven minus the other points yet)?

days.

most times
its isnt tad good to have such accurate sixth sense
some things i really wish it wldnt jus suddenly dawn on me
and the worse?
is tad i cant believe in some small part of me
im still thinking of u.
its sickening
its useless to say i got over it
useless to say i needa to go out and meet more ppl
feelings simply do not jus go off
i really needa wake up and face it all

~*~
is this like the season of breakups/fights/unhappiness?
is this gonna be a routine or wad
there's so many incidents
i jus wish people ard me can be happy
sighs,
i worry so much
i guess i really shld get started with my new jewellery collection
i dun really know if ppl will buy
but i jus wanna create this cute lil stuffs
that will def make me happier:)

~*~
i jus hope that all my loves will be able to get thru this period of their lives
love u all:)