insecurity...

i just realised today how insecure i really am.
i have to go to sku jus for the sake of the stupid open house
i cant contact jamie and i for a lil long moment felt lost.
its like i have come to become so reliant on her
cos i suddenly felt i din really have much frens at entre..
i am afraid of being alone i realised.
sigh
i think this whole day iam feeling restless and down
i dun really noe why
its like suddenly the end of sku is coming
and i am like being pushed out of my comfort zone
i noe what i wan in life
i really do
i want to be able to live my dream that one day
i'll like to see ppl dressed in clothes that i design
i wan my brand to go down in the name of history
but
i am worried
i am scared how my parents will react
i am afraid of the pressure
i am terrified of the insecurities of the future
i wan to get into raffles design institute
but at the same time wen i saw
pictures of the university school
my frens are attending
i wanted to get abit of that action too...
its abit of pensive feeling in me
its like i wan to have my cake and eat it too
sigh
i have finally understood
that it is true that if i really want to get into the uni
its really for my mum's sake
and jus to satisfy my own damn pride
its like i wan to enter uni jus to tell others i can do it too
but i dun tink i will be happy
after the years in the uni (if i ever get ther)
what else will it bring me? where can it truly take me to?
i really dont noe
they always say im still young a
and i have all the time in the world
but certain things..
have to start now wen i am young
with the normal business degree i might get from uni
i will be able to make my mum proud and happy
and wen i graduate
i will get a normal steady job
work form morning to night
get a steady income, straight line life
whats a straight line life ? you'll ask
it will start in the morning where u rush
with the rest of ur neighbourhood to work
at work u sit at ur desk bounded by paperwork
till noon u gather ur colleagues for lunch for only an hour
nex, u stay at ur desk for the next 5 to 6 hours in paper paper paper
then u rush home to eat jus for the sake of filling ur stomach
because u r so damn tired from a whole day of sitting at the desk
den u watch perhaps some tv
and u are off to bed
the next day u wake up and the routine continues...
i really do not wan this kind of life
i wan to break thru from this cycle of life
but at the same time
i am afraid of the changes as well.
i am so confused.

so tell me, what am i suppose to do?