confusion

i think i may hav finally made up my mind
in the beginning the prospects of overseas studying was jus like a playful tot
but as the poly part of my life is reaching its end
its starting to materialise itself as an option to me
yes my dad may be open to ideas
but i am not quite sure if he and mum
are gg to be supportive (mentally and financially)
abt my overseas studies
esp since i am gg into an area where most parents dun feel its stable
went with jam and wang wang on friday to idp to learn more abt aust unis
at first i went jus to get some knowledge abt it
but as the session at idp went on
it slowly begin to form an impression on me
that this
is really wad i wanted in life
its an indication of the beginnings of the very life i crave
and,
it maybe the very opportunity for me
to become my true self again
i noe i have changed over the years by a lot
nobody from my younger years will ever be able to link the past me to the now me
but at times i have always felt i prefer the past me
where by i was so fun and creative and actually being truly happy
not tad my friends arent happy to be around with
but i jus cldnt find my true laughter, my real happiness
and i actually feel that i am boring now...
i duno how it happen or wen it happen
i jus suddenly changed
sigh...
as i listened as jam poured questions at the session (thks love)
about Curtin, QUT, RMIT and Raffles
i am really tempted by Curtin..
it is the most relevant to wad i wish to study , Fashion Designing
as the days passed..
i find myself beginning to hope
i am actually building up my hopes to enter Curtin
ha.
i really hope i won get my heart crushed again
the feeling is literal
i have felt it twice in my life aledi
i sincerely wish i dun ever have to feel that again
at least, not from my parents
i am truly worried
esp since my hopes are ACTUAllY building
and its really a struggle for me to keep having to suppress it..

wad a toturess way to live..